Milestones

The landmarks in this New World of pregnancy that every book has you watching for, have accelerated these last weeks while waiting for this fruit to ripen.

Colostrum
First there was the appearance of colostrum, but I heartily reject What To Expect's description of it as "thin yellowish discharge." Look, can we agree to not call anything as perfect as breastmilk discharge? You wouldn't ask someone to pick up a gallon of thin, whitish cow's discharge on the way home from work, would you? Besides that, I'd hardly call the stuff I produce "yellowish." "Schoolbus orange" might be more to the point; colostrum concentrate. That first tiny drop, of all the changes to my body, might have been the thing that felt like it most deserved a celebration. Where's my white gown, my mariachi band, my crown and bouquet? I'm a woman now. Taking a pregnancy test, feeling a baby's first flutters--these are wild and exciting, but they're someone else happening to you. Colostrum? It's like an announcement, a declaration of independence, an official notification about your own body to yourself. "These breasts are mighty breasts!" And that's where I'll end trying to be Ms. Clifton, but do you get what I'm saying? My vision of Woman, media-tainted or not, just didn't include the power and giving gentleness inherent in the body, not just the soul. Our childbirth class instructor says about colostrum: "Save every drop."

Leg Cramps
Every night, in your calves, and you wake up in crumpled pain, but are too disoriented to know which direction to stretch, or where to reach to pull your own toes, and you're saying outloud, "Ah ah ah ah ah," and Andy wakes up in panic and says, "Are you ok? Are you ok? What's wrong?" and all you can answer is, "Ah ah ah," then stretch it out, and, "Ahhhh. Leg cramp." And you both go back to sleep till you have to pee again.

Heartburn
Truth be known, I've always had a spot of vanity about my GI tract o' steel. The flu, indigestion, acid reflux: these meant nothing to me. And then it happened: I'd lean forward or turn the wrong way in bed and suddenly my throat was on fire. Instinctively I knew what extinguisher I needed: the chalk kind. Though I had to choke them down at first, they've kind of grown on me, and now my bottle of Tums rattles with me just about everywhere I go.

NB: I recommend getting two different varieties of fire extinguishers. Tums brand: good for their strength, but bad for their grainy texture and hideous fruit flavours, especially "toiletbowl-cleanser lime" flavour. Fred Myers brand: only good for putting out small fires, plus they make you burp. But they do come in berry flavours--actually tasty--and are smooth when you chew them. Plus, they come in a snap-lid bottle (good for midnight reaches in the dark), and are cheaper.

Thirty-two days to go.